A loved one's God-given breath was called back over the weekend, in turn beckoning me to my hometown. Last night ended so late and today began so soon that I couldn't discern the difference between the winds whistling through the car's semi-open 'stay awake' window, the last of the season's cicadas and more that always reinforces my being part -- not all -- of the beauty and pain that is Life. Within the hour-and-a-half that darkness and light would trade places, I got to rest, happily none the wiser.
The sound of someone whose need couldn't see mine woke me. Golden rules and a great sense of duty aside, who had the energy to care? Well, I could and did muster it up, but how selfish was that! Can I live? Geez... That same breeze, now complementing a daytime canvas, returned to me the presence of mind that I actually was living AND I am yet alive, thanks be to God. With that comes the opportunity to help another or oneself do what is necessary and, hopefully, pleasant while we're here. If the havoc that cancer and its treatment had wreaked on my cousin's body prior to her beautiful soul's travel from it wasn't an issue, wouldn't she want to spend more days loving her husband and he, her? Might a minor squabble bring them closer in a heartbeat with greater appreciation of their differences or just more sunsets with laughter have been great medicine? How selfish was I?
What should have been a 10 a.m. return to honor my own (appointment-based) time of need became an almost 2 p.m. deal, providing a whole new reference point of selfishness. *sigh* Temporarily distracted, it felt nearly impossible to enjoy the voice of God's grace in my Life over the cacophany that was the person's stream of empty excuses. Without movement or a machine, I turned the volume on the noise in and outside me all the way down. There was damage control to be done. Once online, I noticed that a sister had e-mailed a group of us her lovely rendition of a surrender song; a personal favorite in recent times. Almost six years had passed since I'd heard her voice, so the surprise was that much nicer; interestingly on-time, even.
I'd given my upset the valid moments it deserved and transformed the growing heat in my hands with what once might have been cussin'... into a higher, creative place. Woosah, I say! New paints and ideas were at Home Depot. Cacao nibs and a new book to read had been signed and in my purse by simply accepting a mini-adventure a day or so before the news. By twilight, four artists had crossed my online path for the first time with very raw emotions set to song that reinforced the common threads of our dynamic existence.
Beyonce asserted the thesis for all who have ever lived: "I was here." Stacy Barthe bathed what can be the dark corners of our self-discovery and more with tastefully bold, loving lights over and over throughout her recent EP. Sonyae Elise's "♻" resonated with my affinity for what's possibly the greenest job ever by asserting a desire to "have a love...willing to relight the fire when the wind blows a little too close to the candle". My loved one was fortunate enough to know exactly 'who to cling to when the rain set in', on Earth and for Heaven's sake. Late as the universal hour and compromised as balance might be for those of us who remain, we too can harmonize with the rhythm of the Creator should we listen and act accordingly. May the Living Word of God always make its way to our hearts and continue to be music to our ears.
Beyonce asserted the thesis for all who have ever lived: "I was here." Stacy Barthe bathed what can be the dark corners of our self-discovery and more with tastefully bold, loving lights over and over throughout her recent EP. Sonyae Elise's "♻" resonated with my affinity for what's possibly the greenest job ever by asserting a desire to "have a love...willing to relight the fire when the wind blows a little too close to the candle". My loved one was fortunate enough to know exactly 'who to cling to when the rain set in', on Earth and for Heaven's sake. Late as the universal hour and compromised as balance might be for those of us who remain, we too can harmonize with the rhythm of the Creator should we listen and act accordingly. May the Living Word of God always make its way to our hearts and continue to be music to our ears.
